Guilt & Lies
by IceDragonMist
Summary: Natsuki is hiding what and how she feels. Rewrote story used to be known as "That Guilty Feeling" I think it came out better this time around. ShizNat Fic.
1. Guilt

_(It's been six months now since that day . . . I try not to think about it, but how can I not it still feels like it was just yesterday. I can still see it and feel it, thinking back to it now I wish we hadn't come back and I wish I hadn't done what I did. Do I feel so guilty about that? Did I want to die so badly? I hate this and I hate myself, but whenever I see her I still remember what I told her knowing my words were just lies. I feel so lost I don't know what I should do . . . what can I do?) _

_**Fuuka Academy 10:00 a.m.**_

Natsuki lays down on the cool grass under a shady tree hoping to catch some sleep before the next class. As she lays there, she tries to comprehend all that's happened thus far. It bothered her so much but felt that there was nothing that could be done about it. Natsuki yawns and closes her eyes, but before she drifts off to sleep an image enters her mind. She opens her eyes quickly and sits up shaking her head. _(Why? Why? How come?) _Natsuki lays back down clearing her mind of all thoughts finally closing her eyes and falling asleep.

Meanwhile, a very concerned Redhead was looking for her Blue haired friend. "Hey where are you huh? Geez I swear she's like Batman, there one minute gone the next." (Sigh) After a long while of walking around the campus searching in every place possible _(except in the last place she should have looked first, go figure) _Mai finally found Natsuki lying under the tree.

"Finally there you are. Do you know how long I've been looking for you? Anyway's let's get going were gonna be late." When Mai didn't hear any response or movement coming from Natsuki she looked over to see that Natsuki was sleeping. So instead of trying to wake her gently Mai took a hands on approach. (_Sorry but I have no choice_.)

WHACK!!

"ARE YOU CRAZY?! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! YOU TRYING TO KILL ME OR SOMETHING?! HAVE YOU COMPLETELY LOST YOU MIND MAI?!"

Natsuki was ranting and raving at Mai while rubbing her head accusing her friend of trying to kill her.

"Hehehe sorry I was just trying to wake you up . . . " Mai smirked.

"BY TRYING TO KILL ME!? YOU BETTER HOPE I'M NOT BLEEDING!" Natsuki yelled still rubbing her head and then looking at her hand to make sure she was in fact not bleeding.

Mai couldn't help but laugh slightly at her friend.

"Oh see you're fine, now come on we need to go or we'll be late." Mai said waving the book she had just "assaulted" Natsuki within her hand.

"So grab your book bag and jacket and let's go, please." Mai said in almost a demanding tone

Natsuki sneered at Mai still rubbing her head. "Just go ahead without me, besides I don't fell like it."

"Why not? Natsuki is something wrong? You can tell me." Mai asked.

Natsuki grunted and said "No nothing's wrong."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

"But Natsuki . . . "

"I SAID NOTHING'S WRONG OKAY!" She raised her voice at Mai.

Natsuki turned to look at Mai and notice that she had upset her friend by yelling at her. Natsuki picked up her jacket, put it on and then grabbed her book bag. She walked over to Mai and put her had on her right shoulder.

"Mai I'm sorry I yelled . . . but really it's nothing. If something were wrong, you'd be the first to know trust me." Natsuki said with a smile. Mai nodded in agreement, but now wondered if Natsuki was telling her the truth. As they started heading to their next class, Mai kept thinking about what, Natsuki had said to her. (_Natsuki would you really tell me if something was wrong? I'm your friend you know you should be able to tell me anything . . . so what's really going on with you?_) Mai was in deep though, she put her hand to her chin as she kept pondering what could be going on with her friend. Natsuki happened to look over at Mai and could see the concentrated look on her face.

"Mai ? You all right ?" Natsuki asked putting her hand on Mai's shoulder again.

"Huh, yeah I'm find Natsuki. Let's hurry ok."

Natsuki raised an eyebrow but decided to shrug it off and hurry to her next class with Mai_._

_**Fukka Academy 12:00 p.m.-noon**_

"Ah! finally food I'm starving." Natsuki said happily as she started to eat her food, but not before she smothers what she was about to eat in mayo. Mai looked at just how much Natsuki put on her food and felt nauseated. _(How can she eat that stuff? Burp I think I'm going to be sick . . . I still can't get used to her mayo eating habit.) _Natsuki swallowed her food only to notice Mai hadn't touched hers yet.

"Mai aren't you going to eat ?" Natsuki asked.

"Oh . . . uh . . . I'm not very hungry right now." Mai said as she pushed the plate of food in front of her to the middle of the table.

Mai couldn't think about eating right now after watching Natsuki gulp down her food, beside the thing that was really on Mai's mind was the fact that she knew there was something wrong with her friend. What Natsuki said to her earlier was still nagging at her, but it wasn't what she said but how she said it. Mai was trying to get her stomach settled before she was ready to ask Natsuki about it, she didn't want to risk barfing on the girl before getting an answer from her. Before Mai was about to ask Natsuki what was the problem was Natsuki spoke up.

"Hey Mai ? Where's Mikoto ? You would think she'd been here since its lunchtime after all." Natsuki asked as she looked around at the other tables.

"Oh well she said she'll be back before her next class you see, she went shopping with Nao."

"With Nao ? I see. Guess they've become good friends then huh?"

"Guess so." Mai smiled and then deiced to take this opportunity to finally ask Natuski.

"Which brings me to my question how is . . . " Before Mai could finish Natsuki put her hand on Mai's mouth and gave her a look as if to say (_You won't let it go_) Mai pulled Natsuki's hand away and crossed her arms and turned her head.

"Hmph. I don't know what your problem is? I was just going to ask how you were." Mai said angrily

Natsuki crossed her arms as well and looked down at the table.

"You asked that earlier and I said nothing cause I'm fine." Natsuki said in a low tone of voice.

Mai turned her head and saw that Natsuki seemed upset. Weather if it was Mai's questioning her or that something was really bothering her.

(Sigh) "Natsuki look I'm just worried about you. To be honest you haven't been acting like yourself." Mai said looking very worried.

"Like how ?" asked Natsuki still looking down.

"Well for one . . . your actually showing up for school instead of ditching."

Natsuki swiftly stood up slamming her hands down on the table. Giving Mai a fierce look.

"What, it's true. Don't give me that look." Mai said waving a hand in dismissal.

Natsuki sat back down and crossed her arms and legs pushing one foot onto the floor so that she could rock back and forth in her chair.

"Natsuki look is there something going or not ?" Mai asked seeming like she was begging now for an answer. Natsuki didn't give her one and continued to rock back and forth her chair. Seeing that it was hopeless Mai figured she should just leave well enough alone, but because Mai was the type of person to try and solve other people's problems besides her own she couldn't let this go. So instead of asking her friend directly what was wrong she took a different approach to ask about another matter that was sure to grab the blue-haired beauty's attention. _(Fine then Natsuki if this is the way you want to play it. Then I'll play.)_

"So then . . . how are things with you and . . . Shizuru ?" Mai asked slyly.

Natsuki suddenly stopped and let her chair fall back too the floor. She was shocked at what Mai just asked her. Natsuki's heart began to race. Mai smiled knowing fully well she had her answer within her reach or. . . so she hoped. She decide to go on with another question she knew for sure would really grab her attention.

"How are the living arrangements? You two getting along ?"

"Wh-why would. . .why would you ask that ?" Natsuki asked nervously.

"Well it just occurred to me that if something is wrong, it has to do with her. " Mai said sitting back in her chair. Natsuki felt panicky. Her heart began to race her mind was racing as well. She wondered if Mai had it figured out. _(No sh-she can't know . . . ? Can she? Has she found out?) _As Natsuki was doubting whether or not Mai knows what's troubling her the bell rings and snaps her out of thinking. Mai sighed knowing just how close she was to finding out the problem with Natsuki but having to wait now. Natsuki quickly grabbed up her book bag and ran leaving a shocked and confused Mai in the dust. _(You're not getting away that easily Kuga just you wait.)_ Mai thought to her self as she headed for her next class.

Meanwhile Natsuki was leaning up against a tree catching her breath. Well . . . huff I dodged that bullet . . . puff but I know she'll be back . . . puff huff . . . to interrogate me again. (_Geez I must be outta shape_.) While Natsuki caught her breath and start to head off to her next class she realized that Mai wasn't just being nosey, she was only asking out of concern because she was her friend. Natsuki thought about it for a bit and began to wonder if maybe she should tell Mai she could trust her after all. Natsuki headed off to class. . . . late as usual.


	2. Upset

_**Fuuka Academy-Class Room 2-A 2:55 p.m.**_

Natsuki sat in frustration hoping the bell would ring soon. She just couldn't stand being there in class, she wanted to hurry and get home. She wasn't even paying attention _(even though she should ) _to the teacher and she didn't even bother copying any notes. Finally the bell rang, Natsuki was so excited that she grabbed up her book bag and ran right out of the classroom nearly knocking people over that were in her way. As she ran, she started to slow up realizing what corridor she just went down. She stopped finally walking slowly as she got to the Student Council Room, she just stood right in front of the door thinking about the many times she came here in there using the computer finding information about the HiME's. She even thought of the times when Shizuru would be there. Natsuki smiled but that smiled slowly disappeared.

Natsuki walked thru the school remembering all the fun and unusual things that happened here before the battle of the HiME's began. Soon her thoughts went back to when she first met Shizuru and how she befriends Natsuki the only person whoever opened up to Natsuki the only person . . . who was there for her. A single tear ran down Natsuki's face. (_Why am I . . . crying? It doesn't make sense, why? Is it, is it because of what I said to her? Because of what, I did?) _Natsuki wiped away the tear and started running thru the halls again all the way till she got outside. She took a breath in and headed to the girl's dorm, to go and find Mai her only hope was that she would be there. Natsuki felt it was time to try at least and tell Mai maybe she'll feel better if she just let's it all out.

_**Fuuka Academy-Girl's Dormitory 3:15 p.m.**_

Natsuki walked up to Mai's room and knocked on the door lightly. Knock, knock

She knocked a little harder this time, but still no answer. (_Could she be out? Maybe she's at work?) _Natsuki thought to herself and then suddenly the door cracked open a bit. Mai was peeking out from behind the door. Natsuki seemed confused and wondered what was up with Mai.

"Uh, Mai? Everything ok?"

"Yes. Sorry I was just taking a bath, I'm not fully dressed yet."

"Ok no problem I'll just wait then." Natsuki said as Mai nodded and closed the door. As Natsuki waited, she reached into her pocket taking out her cell to see of anyone may have called. She saw that she had a text message from Shizuru asking if Natsuki would be coming home tonight. Natsuki closed her phone shut and sighed. _(Shizuru I'm . . . so sorry_. _I'm sorry.)_

"Natsuki you could . . . Natsuki?" Mai opened the door to see that Natsuki was in a bit of a daze. Mai waved her hand in front of Natsuki to try and snap her out of it.

"Natsuki? Hey you ok?"

"Huh? Oh Mai! I'm sorry I didn't see you. You're done now?"

"Yeah . . . Are you sure you're ok? Mai said as she put a hand on Natsuki.

"Yeah Mai I'm all right." Natsuki walked into the room, but Mai wasn't convinced. She just had to know what was going on with her. Mai walked into the room closing the door behind her.

Natsuki sat at the table and Mai followed soon after.

"Do you want something to eat or drink?" Mai asked.

"No, no I'm good." Natsuki said. She looked down at the table trying to get the nerve up to talk to Mai about what's been bugging her, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it."

"Natsuki look, I know something's going on. Please just tell me. Does this really have something to do with Shizuru? Did you two have an argument or something?" Mai was so concerned about Natsuki it sounded like she was pleading for her to just get her to just cough up what's been bothering her.

"It's not that at all. I just . . . I don't know . . . what to do." Natsuki seemed like she was on the verge of crying once again. It seemed that every time she thought or talked about Shizuru she'd get upset. Mai didn't know what to say or do at this point, she did want to find out but didn't want to push the issue either. So in the end, Mai decided to wait and see if and when Natsuki will open up to her. She realizes that it's still hard for her to open up and talk about or even express how she feels even to her friends. But Natsuki finally opened her mouth and talked but it wasn't what Mai wanted to hear.

"Can I stay here tonight?"

"Why? You don't want to go home?"

". . ."

"Natsuki!" Mai was getting fed up with her blue-haired friend.

"What?"

"You know very well what. Why don't you want to got home?"

"Please just. . .let me stay here."

"But Natsuki – –

"Please! I just don't want to go home right now!" Natsuki yelled and slammed her fist on the table. Mai sighed, she was at her wit's end with this whole situation that was going on with the blue haired beauty. Just then Mikoto walked in.

"Hiya! Natsuki! Hiya Mai!" Mikoto greeted the two and then sat over by Mai grabbing onto her waist.

"Hey Mai I missed you!" Mai didn't believe that one bit.

"Really is that all you missed?" Mikoto shook her head.

"Nope I missed your cooking too!" Just as Mikoto finished saying that her stomach growled so loud that it echoed thru the room. Mai laughed and got up _(with Mikoto still attached to her)_ and headed toward the kitchen area. Mai happened to look back at Natsuki and noticed she was still in that same position since she walked into the room and sat at the table. _(She looked so depress but I can't do any to help unless you speak up Natsuki.)_


	3. Understanding

_**Fuuka Academy-Girl's Dormitory**_ _**5:25 p.m.**_

A few hours had passed since Natsuki had entered into Mai's room and still hadn't said a word. Mikoto had left a little while ago to meet up with Nao again and Mai had to go to work at the Linden Baum tonight. She informed Natsuki that she would be back late but that she was welcome to stay here till she get's back. Mai left, leaving Natsuki alone and bored who had no idea what to do she didn't even know if she should be waiting here all this time in the room. Natsuki took out her cell phone again and read the text message that Shizuru had left her.

**(Natsuki, it's me Shizuru. I was just wondering if you would be returning home tonight, you really haven't been home lately . . . I'm worried. You know if something is bothering you don't hesitate to ask or tell me anything okay. Well I hope to see you later so take care Natsuki. Bye.)**

Natsuki got up from the table and walked over to the nearest bed and sat down looking out the window. _(Shizuru, I don't even know what to say or how to tell you. It's just so complicated . . . I hate this so much! I hate myself for lying to you, for making you believe in something that wasn't true . . . in something that may never happen. I'm just so sorry.) _Natsuki shifted more onto the bed and laid down drifting off to sleep.

_**Fuuka Academy-Girl's Dormitory 9:20 p.m.**_

"Finally home but, Mikoto do you have to cling onto me like this?" Mai said sighing and dragging Mikoto along with her.

"Yep! This time for sure Mai I just missed you!" Mikoto stated happily as she tightens her grip around Mai's waist. Mai reached into her pocketbook and got out her key and unlocked the door. Mai and Mikoto walked in closing the door behind them. Mai told Mikoto that she should go take a bath, but of course she fought her on it so Mai had no choice but to force her to take one. After a while of yelling and struggling she got Mikoto into the tub, when Mai came out of the bathroom and walked into the livingroom/bedroom area she noticed that Natsuki was there asleep on her bed. She walked over and bent down sightly gently trying to wake her.

"Hey, hey Natsuki. Wake up. Natsuki?" She shook her gently finally getting Natsuki to wake up. Natsuki stretched and yawned out of her sleep. Mai smiled and asked Natsuki if she was hungry at all, she claimed she wasn't but her stomach fought her on that when her stomach began to growl even louder than Mikoto's did. Mai laughed, Natsuki blushed out of embarrassment, she then told Natsuki to sit down at the table while she made her something to eat. Soon after Mikoto came out of the bathroom squeaky clean and sat down to join them. They all sat and talked amongst themselves each asking about their day as they ate, soon Mikoto found herself dozing off to sleep and went to bed. Leaving Natsuki and Mai a chance to finally talk.

"So I trust you had a good nap?" Mai asked.

"Yeah I guess. I feel better now." Natsuki said in return.

"As apposed to earlier?" Natsuki groaned while putting her hand on her forehead.

"Mai let's not do this okay? I'm not in the mood to talk right now." Mai didn't want to let it go but she had no choice she couldn't force it out of her. Just then Natsuki's cell phone rang. She reached into her jacket pocket taking out the phone and answered.

_**Click**_

"Hello?"

"_Natsuki? It's me. Are you all right?"_

"Yeah I'm just at Mai's . . . I'm staying over here tonight. " Natsuki said sadly.

"_Oh ok, well I just wanted to make sure you were all right that's all. Will you . . . will you be back tomorrow?" _

". . ."

"_Natsuki?"_

"I . . .yeah I'll be back tomorrow Shizuru."

"_Great! I'll see you then. Goodnight Natsuki."_

"Goodnight Shizuru."

_**Click**_

Natsuki placed her phone onto the table and sighed. Mai couldn't help but wonder what all that was about so she asked.

"That was Shizuru wasn't it?"

"Yeah."

"So tell me. What's going – – Natsuki cut her off.

"Mai!"

"Look Natsuki. There's obviously something going on between you two. So, please just let me know so that I can help." Natsuki started rubbing at her temples.

"Are you okay?" Mai worriedly asked.

"Yeah, I just got a headache." Natsuki said still rubbing at her temples. Mai got up to go and get some aspirin for her she soon came back with the tablets and a glass of water so that Natsuki had something to drink the tablets down with. A few minutes passed when Mai asked Natsuki if she was feeling any better, Natsuki just nodded yes.

"Why are you avoiding her Natsuki?" Mai asked in a stern demanding tone of voice.

"Mai don't start okay. My headaches finally gone. I don't want it coming back" Mai wasn't going to let Natsuki get away this time she wanted an answer and she wanted it now.

"It makes sense now. Why you hardly go home anymore how you've spent most of your time sleeping over here, and how you would go home late at night or get to school so early in the morning doing so just to avoid her. Isn't it Natsuki?"

"That's not true at all." Natsuki was getting angry and Mai could see it but she just had to know and it was now or never in her mind.

"Yes it is true. Ever since you let her stay with you, you've been making excuses just so that you wouldn't have to go back home, I mean why even let her stay with you if all you're going to be doing is avoid her like this?" Natsuki balled up her fist she didn't know how to explain it to Mai or if she would even understand, but the only way for Mai to understand is if she told her the truth and nothing but.

"You're right. I'm avoiding her . . . and kills me. It kills me to even look at her I can't, I just can't . . ." Natsuki trailed off leaving a confused Mai sitting across from her.

"I don't understand Natsuki. What is it you can't do?"

"I can't . . .I can't look her straight in the face without remembering." Mai was still confused so she asked.

"Remembering what exactly?" Natsuki took in a deep breath and let it out slowly and said

"That I lied to her. . .I lied to the one person I care about most." Natsuki looked and sounded so sad when she said that but, for some reason that didn't bother Mai at the moment.

"You lied but you care about her. You have a funny way of showing you care." Mai said brushing off the fact that Natsuki was upset, but she looked up at Mai and snapped at her.

"Don't you dare judge me! You have no idea what happened between us that day! You could never understand how I felt then and how I feel right now!"


	4. Going Back

_**Fuuka Academy-Girl's Dorm 10:00 p.m.**_

"Fine then Natsuki just forget it, I'm going to bed I'm tired." Mai said getting up and walking away madly. Before she even got far Natsuki had grabbed her arm.

"Hold on a sec, Mai. Just tell me one thing?"

"Yeah?"

"If you lied to someone . . . would you just keep on lying or tell them the truth?" Natsuki let go of Mai's arm and looked down at the floor. Mai sighed.

"Well look, if it was me I know I would just tell that person. If you don't the lie just keeps getting bigger and bigger and starts to get harder to keep up with. Sooner or later it will all spiral out of control. It's better to tell the truth Natsuki because in the end lying to someone hurts them a lot more then if you were to tell them the truth. If you tell them the truth, that lie your holding in won't eat you up anymore. Now if you'll excuse me yawn I'm really tired." Mai started to walk away but looked back at Natsuki.

"The one you should be talking to really is Shizuru, and you know it."

"Tch! Whatever." That was last thing Natsuki said to Mai before she went to bed. Natsuki sat at the table thinking about what Mai was just telling her. She knew Mai was right but didn't want to admit it. There was more then just lying going on in this situation. Natsuki stayed up half the night, in fact she even fell asleep at the table.

_**Fuuka Academy-Girl's Dormitory 7:45 p.m.**_

"Natsuki! Hey Natsuki get up!" Mai shouted and shook her friend trying to wake her up. When that didn't work, she decided to wack her in the head with her hand.

"HEY! ARE YOU CRAZY?!" Natsuki shouted.

"Hey you're awake, but lower your voice please." Mai said giggling.

"You want something to eat for breakfast?"

"No."

"Are you going to go to any of your classes today?"

"Maybe."

"Are you going to go home today and talk to Shizuru?" Natsuki was getting angry with Mai with all the questions she was bombarding her with.

"What are you my mother now or something? What I do is my own business."

"It's not, when you involve other people in your business Natsuki." Natsuki balled up her fist again. She stood up to face Mai but she didn't say anything she just gave her an icy cold stare. Not saying a word Natsuki picked up her book bag grabbed her cell off the table and left the room slamming the door shut. Mai shook her head. She was disappointed in her blue haired friend and her childish behavior. _(Natsuki how can I help you if you just keep fighting and resisting me on everything. Just do the right thing . . . please.) _It was Mai's last thought before she got Mikoto up to get ready for their classes for the day. Meanwhile, on the other side of the Academy there was a bruting Natsuki kicking a tree.

"Stupid Mai! What does she know? Nothing that's what! I can't believe her, just saying that to me the way she did! Dammit, stupid Mai!" Natsuki continued to kick the tree leaving a bald mark on it. After a while she decides to go over to the flower garden, she was hesitate at first but soon made her way over there. Natsuki stood there in the field of flowers and took a deep breath in and exhaling it out. She walked over to the same exact spot she stood in three years ago where she first met Shizuru.

_**(Flashback Three years ago . . . )**_

_(This is stupid. I hate this place.) Natsuki thought to herself. She reached out and grabbed the flower._

"_Don't do that!" Natsuki was startled by the voice that was behind her. She quickly turned around to see who it was._

"_They're trying their best to bloom in such a short time. So please don't pick them."_

"_I-I wasn't going to." Natsuki said looking back at the flowers._

"_Then what were you going to do?"_

"_. . ."_

"_Oh! I'm sorry how rude of me. Allow me to introduce myself I– – _

"_I know who you are. You're that student council President, Shizuru Fujino." Shizuru smiled and walked up to Natsuki._

"_Well it seems my reputation proceeds' me then." Natsuki shook her head._

"_No it's because of those fan girls'. I see you with them every day always calling for you chasing after you. Don't you get tired of that?" Just then Natsuki realized she was actually having a conversation with somebody. She couldn't figure out why, she would open up to this person._

"_I see. Are you perhaps jealous?" Natsuki's face turned red._

"_W-what!? No way! I– – _

_Just then the bell ringed._

"_Oh well looks like we have to get going." Shizuru turned to walk away but Natsuki called out to her._

"_Wait! Fujino!" Shizuru turned back around._

"_My-my names' Natsuki Kuga."_

"_Well then Ms. Ku– – _

"_Just Natsuki, please." Shizuru smiled._

"_Fine. Then you can call me Shizuru._

_**(End Flashback)**_

Natsuki stood there with her eyes closed remembering that day very clearly. She opened her eyes and reached out for the flower . . .

_(Don't do that!)_

Natsuki quickly turned around but saw no one, but she was so sure that she heard Shizuru's voice. Natsuki sat on the steps of the gazebo. _(Shizuru . . . I'm sorry. I wish I could just tell you how much . . . and to tell you that I lied. Saying sorry will never be enough though.) _Natsuki thought to herself as she reached into her jacket pocket taking out her phone. She wanted to call Shizuru but couldn't bring herself to do so.


	5. Realize

_**Fuuka Academy-Flower garden 8:30 a.m.**_

Natsuki sat there still pondering what to do. As Mai's words ran thru her head she starting to think maybe she was right and to just go ahead and confront Shizuru . . . and herself. Natsuki got up and headed off to her class. (Even though she was late.) She made her way to the classroom and of course the teacher scolded her for being late, and gave her detention. Natsuki couldn't believe that, she didn't have time to go to detention she had more important things to do. She tried to talk her way out of it but to no avail Natsuki would still have to go. After she had gone to all of her classes for the day, she made her way to the detention hall. Natsuki figured she just sit and wait it out, afterall it was only for an hour. Finally the grueling hour was up Natsuk ran out as fast as she can making her way outside, where she ran into Mai. Natsuki halted and stood there wondering if Mai was going to say anything to her or not, but Mai just started to walk away. Natsuki called out to her.

_**Fuuka Academy-Campus Grounds 3:15 p.m.**_

"Mai! Wait! Hold on!" Natsuki caught up to Mai finally stopping her in her tracks.

"Mai stop acting like you didn't see or hear me. What's up with you?" Mai said nothing as she continued to walk on her way but Natsuki wouldn't let her go.

"Hey answer me will you! What's the matter?" Natsuki asked her friend desperately.

"Please listen Mai! There's something I need to say." Mai finally answered.

"Yeah, and what would that be? Oh wait you're going to apologize right?"

"Ye– wait apologize? Apologize for what?"

"Are you serious Natsuki?" Natsuki had a confused look on her face and didn't have the slightest idea what her red head friend was talking about.

Sigh "I thought you would be apologizing to me for this morning."

"Th-this morning?"

"Yeah. I didn't care much for your childish behavior." Mai said madly. Natsuki got a little annoyed about that though.

"Ok fine. I apologize. Happy now?" Mai shook her head.

"No."

"B-but why not I just apologized. That's what you wanted right?" Natsuki was getting starting to get angry.

"No, Natsuki. I want you to apologize because you want to, not because I asked you to." Mai just sighed, staring at Natsuki she realized the girl still didn't understand what she was telling her. Either that or Natsuki was just still so focused on what she wanted to tell Mai in the first place.

"Look Mai. I'm sorry I really am. But there's something I need you to know about . . . what I lied to Shizuru about." Mai's ears perked up. This is the thing she's been waiting to hear from her friend. Finally her answer was within her reach.

"I'm listening to you Natsuki."

"I-I lied to Shizuru based on what I said . . . did to her, and I just feel so awful about it. It was a while back now. I know I should forget about it bu-but I just can't not yet. Not until I'm able to talk and tell her myself."

"Tell her what? What did you say? What was it you did Natsuki?" Mai asked and looked on with concern and excitement all at the same time.

"Well I-I told her I loved her when I really don't, and I kissed her but that kiss . . . I kissed her out of pity. I knew it would mean everything to her but it meant nothing to me."

"Oh . . . is that all." Mai said in a condescending way. As if what Natsuki just told her wasn't a big deal . . . well maybe not to her but to Natsuki it was. Natsuki was appalled.

"WH-WHAT THE HELLS DO YOU MEAN, IS THAT ALL?! HUH WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT?!" Natsuki was raddled with anger.

"I'm sorry Natsuk but I just don't see the problem here." Mai said dismissively.

"Hey wait a second, just what the hell do you mean?"

"Just what said."

Natsuki felt like she had just been slapped in the face. "How can you not see the problem here Mai?! I lied to her!"

Mai turned back to look at Natsuki. "No actually you didn't. You see the only person you lied to . . . was yourself Natsuki."

"What? What do you mean, I don't understand?"

"Natsuki what don't you understand yet? You're feeling guilty about this whole thing only because you weren't being honest with yourself back then, or even now. It explains why you've been so . . . aggressive this whole time."

"I'M NOT BEI– – Ahem, I'm not being aggressive." Natsuki tried to compose herself knowing fully well Mai was right.

"Natsuki look, I don't know what went on between you and Shizuru back then, and I don't want to it's not my business. The only reason you did what you did was out of guilt and concern for doing something or rather not doing what you should've done to begin with. You thought by telling Shizuru you loved her and then go and kiss her would make everything better right? But it didn't turn out that way because you weren't lying to her then, the only thing you're lying about is the truth. And the truth is you can't come to terms with how is you truly feel. That maybe you do love her, whatever kind of love that may be. If you would have just realized this sooner you could have talked to her about this, I mean she is your friend too you know. Like I said I don't know what happened between you two, but whatever it was changed everything and as soon as you **Get Over Yourself**! The better everything will be. Now look I have to go and meet up with Yuichi okay. So I'll talk to later, I'll be here if you ever need to talk Natsuki you know that don't you?" Mai walked over to Natsuki and placed her hand on her shoulder.

"But . . .Mai I – –

"Just think about it. Good bye Natsuki see you later." With that Mai waved goodbye to her and was off to meet Yuichi, leaving a very deep in thought, confused, frustrated, and bewilder Natsuki behind. _(Is Mai right? Was I not . . .being honest to myself? I didn't lie to Shizuru . . .to myself?) _Natsuki contiuned to think about all what Mai had just told slowly taking it all in trying to accept the fact that she was wrong and that Mai could very well be right.


	6. Say it

1 _**Fuuka Academy-Campus Grounds 3:30 p.m.**_

Natsuki stood there in the middle of pathway replaying over in her mind the word's that Mai spoke to her. _(Could she be right? Am I denying_ _that . . . I may have feeling's for Shizuru after all? No, th-that just can't be. I-it doesn't make sense_. _Could I possibly be in love . . . with her?) _Natsuki thought to herself as she began walking to her motorcycle. Natsuki got on her bike and put on her helmet, she started wondering what to do now and where she should go. She felt like she still wasn't ready to face Shizuru or to go home but what choice did she have now? She didn't want to make Shizuru worry about her any more than she already has. Natsuki started up her bike and made her way home. Natsuki felt like it was a long time since she last was back at the apartment and it seemed like it took so long to get back home now, riding thru those long winding roads. Natsuki parked her bike and headed up stairs, when she got to the door she slowly reached into her pocket taking out her keys, finally unlocking the door. She hesitated to walk into the apartment at first (still afraid of seeing Shizuru) but made her way in closing the door behind her.

_**Natsuki's Apartment 4:00 p.m.**_

She walked into the living room and the first thing she happened to notice was, that there was a small piece of paper with something written on it on the coffee table. Natsuki picked up the note and read it.

_(Note)_

_Natsuki, I'm sorry but I won't be coming home till later_. _I'll be at the University later than usual because I have to help one of my classmates study for an exam they have to re-take. Also I have to run a few errands right after nothing that will take up too much time I hope. I was really hoping to see you when you got back today . . . at least I hope you came back today. Natsuki I'm so worried about you, you know you can always talk to me about anything . . . really. Well I have to go I'll see you later! Bye! _

_ Yours, Truly _

_ Shizuru _

_(End of Note)_

"Shizuru . . . why? Why do you worry about me? Never mind I already know the answer to that question." Natsuki sighed and sat down on the couch. Still she couldn't figure out why Shizuru was always so kind and loving toward her, _(What is it that Shizuru loves about me so much_ _when lately I've been avoiding you acting like you mean nothing_._)_ Natsuki feel like she was the worst person on the planet, she knew she was hurting Shizuru in some way and it killed her. Natsuki started to cry while holding onto the note Shizuru left her, gripping it in her hand. After a few minutes Natsuki wiped her tears away and looked at the clock on the DVD player to see what time it was. _(I know what I've got to do now! I . . . just hope it isn't too late!)_Natsuki swiftly got up from the couch and placed the note into her jacket pocket, she rushed to the door and ran out. She ran back downstairs and jumped on her bike and sped off. _(Shizuru . . . just, just wait for me . . . please! I'll be there soon!) _Natsuki was traveling rapidly thru the streets, trying to get to Shizuru's school as fast as she can, the thing was she wasn't sure what she was going to say or do. All she knew now was that she had to hurry and get there, she felt that if she didn't get there now she would lose her nerve and back out, and that was something Natsuki couldn't afford to do.

_**Fuuka University-Outside 4:15 p.m.**_

"Finally here, now all I have to do is find her." Natsuki said to herself. She got off her bike and started to head to the entrance of the University, but stop suddenly in mid-walk.

"Wait, what am I doing? I don't even know if she's still here or not. This is just great, fantastic move. Here I am rushing off not even knowing for sure if she's here." Natsuki groaned and smacked her hand to her forehand.

"Maybe I should just go. This was a stupid idea, I mean I wouldn't even know what to say to her." Natsuki walked back to her bike continuing to mumble to herself.

"Just great Natsuki real genius, this is just brilliant."

"Natsuki?"

"Man I'm such a doofus. What a moron I am really.

"Uh-Natsuki!"

"Not now Shizuru I'm trying to think . . . Sh-Shi-Shizuru?!" Natsuki turned around so fast her head started to spin. She couldn't believe that she was standing there right in front of her. Natsuki thought she was hallucinating. She shook her head and rubbed her eyes, but there she was. Shizuru just stood there with a confused look on her face as she stared back at Natsuki. _(It feels like forever since I last saw you Natsuki.) Shizuru thought to herself as she walked over to Natsuki._

"Natsuki? What are you doing here?"

" . . ."

"Natsuki?" Natsuki couldn't answer. She dropped head looking to the ground unable to look at Shizuru directly. She still was having a hard time. Shizuru got a little closer to Natsuki and put her hand on her shoulder.

"Natsuki is, is everything all right?"

". . ."

'Natsuki, please answer me. Di-did I do something to upset you" Natsuki looked up at Shizuru and shook her head.

"N-no! Shizuru_, _you didn't do anything . . . anything except worry about, care and love me. While all I . . ." Natsuki trailed off unable to find words. She still had no idea what and how she was going to say to the woman she's neglected who was standing in front of her.

"Natsuki just tell me wh– –

"Shizuru, come back home!" Natsuki blurted out suddenly.

"Wh-what?" Shizuru looked stunned and confused at the same time not knowing what was going on.

"P-please come home with me!" Natsuki grabbed Shizuru arm, but Shizuru pulled back.

"Natsuki! What's gotten into you? Why are you acting like this? What's going on?" Natsuki didn't know what to say she was still trying to find the words.

"Shizuru . . . I'm sorry. I just . . . I . . ."

"What is it Natsuki? You can tell me." Shizuru smiled at Natsuki. Natsuki let go of Shizuru's arm and looked down at the ground again_. (I want to tell you I do but . . . it's not that easy. Shizuru I . . . I think I . . .) _Natsuki trailed off in her thoughts and opened her mouth to speak.

"I . . .love you . . . Shizuru." Shizuru was taken aback by what Natsuki just said. Natsuki continued to speak.

"I was lying to myself I realize it now, I was just too stubborn and didn't want to admit it to myself. I-I love Shizuru and . . . and yet I was treating you horribly. I acted like I didn't care about you at all and all you ever did was worry about me. Always, you always did and I pretended not to see it, you care and love me so much and . . . I don't deserve your love Shizuru after the way I've been treating you.I would always look for some kind of an excuseto coming home and toavoid you, whether it was that I would get up early and go to school or spend the night at Mai's. Shizuru I 've just be terrible to you and now I – –

"Natsuki, it's okay really. I'm just glad that you're here right now." Shizuru smiled at Natsuki

"Bu-but Shizuru I . . ." Natsuki was at a lost for words again.

"Don't worry Natsuki it's fine. We can talk later when I get home." Shizuru gave Natsuki a big hug. Natsuki didn't understand why Shizuru wasn't mad at her after how she treated her all this time. _(How can you be so understanding Shizuru? You don't even know how I truly feel . . . it still bothers me . . . because you don't know the truth yet. )_

"I'll get home as soon as I can. I still have some thingsto take care of here." Shizuru released Natsuki from her embrace and gave her a kiss on the cheek and started to walk back to the school. Natsuki blushed while she rubbed her cheek gently. Just before Shizuru reached the door to the building Natsuki called out to her.

"No! I'm not going home you know! Not without you, I'll wait for Shizuru! I've made you wait all this time for me but . . . not anymore! I won't make you wait Shizuru!. Shizuru smiled and nodded. She then waved back to Natsuki before heading inside the building.

_(Shizuru I meant it . . . I really do love you, and I want you to know just how much.) _Natsuki thought to herself while she smiled.


	7. Heartbroken

_**Fuuka University-Outside 5:33 p.m.**_

So Natsuki just waited and waited. (Like a dog waiting for its master) At least an hour and a half passed before Shizuru finally came out of the school. Shizuru walked over to Natsuki who was waiting and leaning up against her motorcycle. Natsuki noticed as Shizuru got closer to her that Shizuru seemed upset about something.

"Shizuru, everything all right?" Natsuki asked with concern. Shizuru shook her head.

"Natsuki, I'm afraid I won't be going home with you right now." Natsuki's mouth dropped out.

"B-but why not? Did something happen?"

"No, no it's just well . . . I have some other things to take care of before I go home. So I just came over here to tell you, to just go on home without me." Natsuki still couldn't understand why Shizuru refused to go home with her.

"But, what does that have to do with me going home? I mean I could take you to where you have to go."

"No Natsuki, it's fine really just go home." Natsuki refused and stood her ground.

"No! No way come on Shizuru, I came here for a reason you know. I also waited for you, and now you're going to tell me to go home!" Shizuru turned her head away from Natsuki.

"I'm sorry Natsuki. Just please go home."

"But I-I don't understand. Wh– –

"PLEASE JUST GO!" Shizuru raised her voice at Natsuki. She was shocked, she never heard or seen Shizuru get so angry before. Natsuki gritted her teeth.

"Fine I'll go! Just . . .forget it, never mind." Natsuki said as she got on her bike.

Shizuru nodded and said ok and headed down the street.

(_What are you up to Shizuru? Just where are you going too? Well . . . I guess there's just one to_ _find out.) _Natsuki thought to herself before she felt it was safe enough to try and follow Shizuru to where she was going too. Natsuki followed Shizuru all the way to the shopping area downtown and saw her go into a few stores, but never coming out with anything which struck Natsuki as odd. Just then she remembered that on the note Shizuru has written she had some errands to run. Although just because she wrote that doesn't mean it's actually true or that just, because she goes into some place doesn't mean she had to come out with a handful of bags. Natsuki followed Shizuru for a good half hour almost all over the central shopping district. Until finally Shizuru had stopped at what looked like from the outside to be an apartment building. Natsuki waited down and across the street.

"I wonder . . . what could she be doing here? This area doesn't look to safe though. Why would she come here by herself?" Natsuki thought to herself out loud. She saw that Shizuru was just standing right outside the building, for a good fifteen minutes before she saw someone come outside from the building. It was a man, who was dressed in a suit. Natsuki didn't have good visibility really from where she was situated across the street, so she wasn't able to see who he was or what he looked like. Shizuru started talking to the man and after a few seconds they both went inside together. _(Shizuru . . . what the . . . who is that guy? What she's doing with him? Shizuru what . . . are you doing? Is he– is he you're – – )_ At that thought Natsuki's heart just sank, thinking the worst. Maybe that guy Shizuru was with was her boyfriend, it upset Natsuki to think, so much so she began to cry. She couldn't believe what she had just witnessed just after a few hours ago when she had just declared her love for Shizuru. And now she's with this guy whom Natsuki doesn't even know.

Not too long after, Shizuru and that guy had come back outside. Natsuki could hear Shizuru laughing, and she wondered what she could be so happy about. _(Shizuru? Did you and he? No it just can be! Dammit! I'm such a fool!) _Natsuki thought to herself. She was in a fit of rage at that point. She wanted to do nothing more the bash the guy around a few times, but soon Shizuru was on the move again, and looked like she was headed back toward the way she came just a little while ago. With that in mind Natsuki, as quietly as she can started up her bike to not draw any attention to herself. She decided to head back home figuring that's where Shizuru was heading back too.

_**Natsuki's Apartment- 8:45 p.m.**_

Nastuki got home rather quickly, and waited patiently for Shizuru to return. She heard the door being unlocked, Chaser walked in and closed the door behind her and walked into the living room where Natsuki was there sitting on the couch.Shizuru was surprised, but not to see Natsuki but to see the look that she had on her face.

"Finally back I see." Natsuki said as she crossed her arms and legs.

"Y-yeah and you see, and it's not even late at all." Shizuru said as she took a seat next to Natsuki.

"Where were you Shizuru?"

"No where really, just . . . you know around."

"Yeah I'll be." Natsuki said under her breath.

"What? Did you say something?"

"No, not a thing." Natsuki said in a nasty way

"Natsuki? What's . . . oh yeah that's right. We need to talk about earlier."

"No, we don't."

"Natsuki . . ."

"Look, Shizuru. Where were you tonight?" Shizuru looked confused.

"But I just told you I was – –

"Yeah, yeah I know. Just around, but around where exactly?"

"Natsuki, why are you questioning me about where I was?"

"Stop answering my questions with another question!" Natsuki said as she pounded her fist into the couch.

"Well if you must know, I had some things to take care of. I told you that earlier."

"Yeah I know you said you had errands to run." Natsuki said as she took out the note Shizuru had left her earlier out of her jacket pocket. She showed it to Shizuru.

"Yes, I know that. I was running some errands."

"That's a lie."

"What?" Shizuru was taken aback by Natsuki blunt statement.

"Why would you even say something like that? What would– –

"Because it doesn't make any sense! If you had these so-called errands to run, you wouldn't have refused for me to go with you! Unless . . . unless you were doing something else other then that. Something, which you didn't what me to find out about." Shizuru looked down to the floor and folded her hands in her lap.

"I'm right. Aren't I Shizuru?" Natsuki saw that she was becoming a little uncomfortable. She knew she was right.

"Shizuru, I'm going to ask you again. Where were you tonight exactly?"

". . ."

". . ."

Natsuki started to get impatient. "Dammit Shizuru, answer me!"

"I-I'm sorry. I can't tell you." Shizuru said still looking down to the floor.

"I already know. I-I knew you were up to something. I had a feeling you were lying to me."

"So then you know, where I was?" Shizuru said facing Natsuki and looked straight into her eyes.

"You . . . were at some building downtown with . . . with . . ." Natsuki couldn't finish her sentence remembering the guy Shizuru was with pained her. Natsuki swallowed hard and tried to finish what she had to say.

"You were with some guy! I saw you and him go into that building together!"

"Natsuki . . . I-I don't – – Natsuki cut off Shizuru.

"Is- is that why you lied to me Shizuru?! So that I wouldn't find out. T- to try and spare my feelings by not telling me?! And right after I just told you how I felt, just a few hours ago! To see you with that guy . . . do you have any idea how I felt?"

"Natsuki just clam down, please." Shizuru said sadly.

"No! I won't and I can't! I-I feel like an idiot Shizuru. I love you and yet you're with this guy. Why didn't you just tell me? To have to see it for myself . . . you and him together like that. I don't know what you did or didn't do with him and what I wanna know! But what I do wanna know, is why you felt like you had to lie to me about it! Why Shizuru?!"

"Too not hurt you Natsuki . . . I didn't realize you would follow me, but I should have known better."

"You knew I would! I know it, you couldn't just think I'd let you leave like that knowing full well you were lying to me!" Natsuki stood up and walked a few inches away from Shizuru and had her back faced toward her.

"Like I said Natsuki, I didn't want to hurt you."

" Isn't this hurting me anyway Shizuru?! Do you even know how I'm feeling right now? Why, why didn't you just tell me, you were seeing someone!" Shizuru balled up her hands into fists.

"BUT I'M NOT SEEING ANYONE! Where not together! I wouldn't just do that without telling you!"

Natsuki turned back to face Shizuru.

"That man I met up with was . . . was the super of that building. I didn't want to tell you that . . . I'm . . . leaving." Natsuki face dropped.


	8. Truth be told

_**Natsuki's Apartment-8:48 p.m.**_

"W-what do you mean your leaving? What, your moving out?" Natsuki asked obviously still upset and shook up by Shizuru's sudden announcement. Shizuru just nodded her head.

"I don't believe this! Shizuru why? Why are you moving?" Natsuki asked. Shizuru then spoke up.

"I . . .just think it would be for the best." Shizuru said in a low soft voice.

"The best! The best for whom? You or me?"

"Please, Natsuki it's the best for both of us." Natsuki couldn't understand Shizuru's reason for doing this. She was just dumbfounded.

"Shizuru . . . Shizuru why? I don't . . . I don't understand. Please why can't you– –

"What's not to understand Natsuki? I'm doing this for both of us. We need . . . time apart." Shizuru said sadly. Natsuki shook her head.

"No! We don't! Shizuru we can't work thru this, I love – –

"Don't! Don't say it! Please . . . don't say something you don't mean." Natsuki when over to Shizuru ,who was still sitting on the couch. Natsuki sat down beside her and grabbed by the shoulders making Shizuru face her.

"Shizuru, look at me . . . please."

"Shizuru, look at me!" Shizuru still didn't face Natsuki.

"Fine! Don't look at me, but at least hear me out!." Natsuki knew she was just a tiny bit overacting so she tried to calm down. She took a deep breath in and out, she started to talk once again.

"Just please tell me why, why or what made you decide to move?"

". . ."

"Shizuru just tell me. I can't stand this anymore. What's – –

"I hate it. I hate . . . you. I don't love you Natsuki." Natsuki couldn't believe her ears.

"Sh-sh-shizuru . . . but I . . ." Natsuki trailed off she couldn't understand it. She knew Shizuru loved her so what would make her say that.

"Natsuki I know."

"Know what? Shizuru."

Shizuru took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, she faced Natsuki. "I know why . . . I know the reason why you haven't been home lately and why you've been avoiding me. You still . . . you still . . ." Shizuru started crying. Natsuki held Shizuru, close to her embracing her tightly.

"Say what you need to Shizuru. It's okay." Shizuru was able to compose herself after a few minutes of crying her eyes out. Shizuru shifted herself up and looked at Natsuki with puffy red eyes due to all the crying.

"Natsuki, you hate me still don't you? For all the terribles things I did to you and put you thru. I'm so sorry, but I know saying sorry will never be good enough. So I just . . . think it's for the best after what I did."

"No! Shizuru your wrong! You, you didn't do anything wrong, you didn't hurt me. I don't hate you either, if anything I was the one who– –

"No Natsuki! I'm the one who's hurt you. I put you thru so much pain. I lied you, I used you and I-I . . ." Shizuru trailed off she started to cry again. Natsuki lifted Shizuru's chin upwards to make Shizuru face her.

"I know what happened . . . you did it out of love and protection for me. You wanted to make sure I was safe and that no harm would come to me. But . . . I just ignored it. All your feelings for me, your compassion all of it. Since the first time we met Shizuru, the things you used to say to me I just let it roll off my back and took it as a joke. I should have realized it sooner. If I did then maybe . . . maybe things would have turned out differently then."

"Natsuki . . ."

"I didn't return any of the feelings you had for me, because I couldn't feel that way . . . at first. I didn't understand what it was to truly be in love with someone, too just always be with that person and be theirs only. Shizuru everything that happened during the HiME Festival was my fault I cause it. I also caused you to do all those things and . . ." Shizuru put her hand over Natsuki's mouth.

"No . . . Natsuki. Everything that happened I did on my own. You have no part, I was the one who killed those people. I was the one who hurt you. I was the one holding my own weapon not you. I thought I was doing the right thing by destroying your enemies, but instead . . . I just got more and more out of control. I figured if I did all those things it would make you love me but . . ."

Natsuki removed Shizuru's hand so that she could speak. "Shizuru I do love you. I – –

Shizuru pushed Natsuki back. "No! You're just saying that! You said it then and you're still saying. Thinking it will make everything all right . . . but it's not, it will never be all right. Natsuki you say and do these things because . . . because . . .

"Because I love you." Shizuru shook her head.

"No. Because you feel sorry for me. You think it's what I want to hear, just because it is what I want. Natsuki . . . but not like this, don't take pity on me." Natsuki grabbed Shizuru by her shoulders again. She gently placed her hand on Shizuru cheek.

"Shizuru, that's not true. What I said that day, that kiss as well it was all true. That kiss and what I said, it meant so much to me just like I know it did to you. I was lying all this time . . . I thought I was lying to you but really I was just lying to myself. All this time I was just hurting you in this way, because I didn't want to believe any of it . . . that I was in love with you then and still am now." Shizuru took her hand and removed Natsuki's hand from her cheek and then the other from her shoulder. She then got up and headed for the door.

"Wait Shizuru! Where are you– –

"Don't follow me Natsuki, please. If you do I'll . . . I will never speak to you again and . . . I'll hate you forever for it." Natsuki didn't know what to do, she sat there on the couch frozen as she watched the love of her life walk out the door.

"Shizuru . . . ? Why are you doing this? Shizuru! Shizuru don't leave!" Natsuki shouted as she got up from the couch. She ran to the door but didn't see Shizuru anywhere. Natsuki then ran down the stairs hoping to catch up with her. When she got down stairs, Shizuru was no where to be found.


	9. Finally

_**Fuuka Academy-Mai's Room 9:30 a.m. **_

_(Thirteen days later . . . )_

"Natsuki, come on you can't stay coopeduphere forever. At least go out and get some fresh air or something. Come on Natsuki this isn't healthy you know_. _It's been almost two weeks . . . well if you don't want to go home I get it but, you can't stay here either. Just laying here all day wasting your time and listen to depressing music isn't gonna make things any better." Natsuki had been laying in one of the beds in Mai's room for the pass week. She never told Mai exactly what happened between her and Shizuru, but Natsuki did tell her that she couldn't go back home because it felt empty. Mai had pleaded with Natsuki, for the pass few days now to get out and go somewhere and do something. She continued to do so every day until she was blue in the face. Mai, finally just decided to give up.Mai tried once more to reach out to her friend but Natsuki just turned her back.

Mai told Natsuki before she left that she would be gone for a while and that when she got back for Natsuki to not be here. She wasn't kicking her friend out really she just wanted her to get out and go doing something fun and relaxing. Before Mai left she happens to notice Natsuki's phone on the table, she picked it up and put it in her jacket pocket. Leaving she told Natsuki once more to try and get out, and turn off that depressing music. She left closing the door behind her. Natsuki continued to just lay on the bed, listing to that depressing music. But than again Natsuki was feeling just that, and heartbroken amongst other emotions that she had to learn deal with. The thought of never seeing Shizuru however, crushed her completely and she's practically shut down since then.

_**Fuuka Academy-12:00 p.m. noon**_

A few hours later Mai had returned. She practically came into the room busting down the door, which then startled Natsuki out of her sleep. Mai rushed over to her friend, she was very excited about something. She pulled Natsuki out of bed and told her to get changed and to wash off her face, Mai was saying as she pushed Natsuki into the bathroom. But got no further pushing too just the door way of the bathroom.

"JUST HOLD IT!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Natsuki yelled out in frustration.

"Please, Natsuki just get ready." Mai said as she tried to push Natsuki (still) into the bathroom.

"Ready?! Ready for what?!" Mai stopped pushing. She took in a deep breath and slowly let it out.

"Okay, but promise not to get mad."

"Mai! You better – –

"Please! Natsuki don't get mad. Promise me." Mai pleaded with her friend.

Natsuki groaned, and just nodded her head in agreement to promise not to get mad. Mai smiled and continued what she was trying to tell Natsuki.

"Well . . . you see I borrowed your phone . . . and kind of made a call to . . . Shizuru."

"What?! WHAT?!" Natsuki was angered by what Mai had done. Even after promising her she wouldn't get mad.

"Nasuki, please just clam down. You promised you wouldn't get mad. Besides I didn't see any other way." Mai said as she tried to clam her friend down.

"But what do you mean kind of? You either did or didn't. Which is it?"

". . ."

"Mai!"

"Okay, I called all right!"

"Okay but why as you put it didn't see any other way? What is that suppose to mean?"

Mai sighed. She knew that no matter what she said Natsuki wouldn't understand her for doing this. "Listen. Natsuki I just hated seeing you like this. I thought since I wasn't getting through to you maybe she can."

Natsuki shook her head. "But it's my business okay. You had no right – –

"What? Had no right to worry about you? To see you so crushed. Natsuki, you need to get out of this rut. This isn't helping anything." Mai's eyes started to fill with tears.

"Mai . . . I-I . . . look I'm sorry but, you shouldn't have done that. I'm fine. I just gotta . . . work out this stuff myself." Natsuki said in a consoling manner. Trying to cheer up her friend. Mai stiffened up and looked Natsuki straight in her eyes.

"Natsuki . . . would you want to see her though?"

"Yes, of course I would." Natsuki said honestly. Mai smiled, but the next thing out of her mouth would make Natsuki run for the hills.

"Great! Because she's on her way!" With that Natsuki did indeed start to run off. But Mai had caught her by her hood, Natsuki kept trying to pull away though.

"YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING!! LET ME GO!!"

"Where do you think your going?! Your staying put!"

"Not on your life!! LET GO!!" Natsuki ranted and still tried to pull away. Just then there was a knock on the door. Mai smiled and let go of Natsuki's hood letting her fall to the floor face first. Mai went to open the door.

"Hey! You got here faster then I expected. She's passed out on the floor by the way." Mai said trying to hold in her laughter.

"No! I'm not. I'm right here." Natsuki got up off the floor looking highly peeved. She had her arms crossed and glared at Mai.

"Listen you guys need to talk. So just sit, relax and I'll be back in a few hours. Natsuki you better not even think about leaving." With that said Mai left leaving Shizuru and Natsuki alone.

"Hi, Natsuki. How have you been?" Shizuru asked still standing by the door.

". . ."

"Natsuki, please say something. Mai's told me you haven't been . . . well. Is everything– –

"No! How can everything be all right?! I can't believe you would even ask that! Shizuru you left remember? You left me! And for you to ask how I'm doing . . . you got some nerve!" Natsuki angrily and loudly said to Shizuru.

"Natsuki I'm . . . I'm sorry. I – –

"Don't! Don't even! Save it for someone who cares. And don't you dare say you're sorry when you're not. Shizuru you're not sorry I mean the only reason you're even here is because Mai called you. Other than that, who knows if I would have ever seen you again!"

"N-Natsuki that isn't – –

"Yes it is! It is true you know it and I know! You came here to do what? Say sorry, well saying sorry isn't and will never be enough!" Natsuki turned her back on Shizuru then. Natsuki was in pain and hurt she couldn't even look at the older woman.

"Natsuki please if you just– –

"No! Just get out! I heard enough from you! Just – – mmph! Natsuki was cut off, by Shizuru's lips on hers. Apparently while Natsuki's back was turned and still complaining she hadn't realized Shizuru came up behind her like she did. Well that kiss sure shut Natsuki up, cause after Shizuru pulled away Natsuki found that she couldn't even form a simple word. Finally now Shizuru could get a word in edge wise.

"Natsuki, sorry I did that. But you just didn't listen, I need to tell you . . . even though your right about that saying sorry will never be enough . . . but I need to make up with you somehow. And I don't care what it takes or how long! Natsuki I love you! I'm not going to give up on you. I know what I've done has hurt you so much, I've even broken your heart . . . I can't take that back but I could, we could try and fix this. It's not too late, is it?" Shizuru's heartfelt speech made Natsuki feel something she hasn't in a long time, but still she had doubts about what Shizuru was telling her.

"Shizuru, when you left without . . . without giving a real explanation it killed me that night. To just let you go, to let the woman that I love just go like that . . . my heart was broken."

"Natsuki . . . I-I – –

"Let me finish." Shizuru nodded her head and listened to what Natsuki had to say.

"I still love you Shizuru, even though you just took off even though you hadn't even made any kind of contact with me in almost two weeks, and even though you broke my heart . . . I still love you after all that. I can forgive so many things that happened between us . . . even that night and what you did to me. Or for even how I pushed you to that point. You blame yourself for all of it and I blame me for everything as well. You said you wanted to fix this . . . but how can you fix something you given up on for someone you walked away from. How can this be fixed if only one person is in this all the time, how can something that's broken and shattered be fixed? Tell me! Tell me Shizuru!" And for the first time Natsuki had shed tears in front of Shizuru.

Shizuru held Natsuki in her arms, Natsuki continued to cry for a while and Shizuru just held her tighter she felt it was the only thing she could do right then and there. Finally Natsuki stopped and took a good hard look at Shizuru.

"I'm sorry . . . " Natsuki said wiping her tears away.

"Don't be. I'm the one who's so sorry I wasn't there for you. I did abandon you I just left you without saying anything, without telling you how much I loved you. I couldn't stand it and I regretted it and I still do. I was afraid Natsuki . . . afraid to even face you knowing that you didn't want to see me, and knowing that you hate me. What I've done was so wrong but I did it for us. I was doing more harm to you by staying instead of leaving."

"Is that what you think . . . Shizuru? Really? Can't you see how hurt I was without you?" Natsuki said turning her head away.

"Natsuki I can't . . . I can't ever make up for what I've done to you because you'll never except my apologizes or anything else I could think of to do for you. Natsuki . . . I just wish, I just wish things can be the way they used to be between us. It's my fault I-I cause this to happen to us . . . I'll understand if you never wanted to see or hear from me again, but I don't want us to end things like this." Shizuru was saying all this to Natsuki but her kind, caring, compassionate words fell on deaf ears, there was no getting through to Natsuki anymore. Shizuru slowly let her hands fall from Natsuki's shoulders to her sides and started to walk away. Shizuru herself began to tear up.

"Natsuki please just . . . take care of yourself. Don't get into any more trouble." Shizuru began to turn the knob to the door when suddenly she was stopped. Natsuki had placed her hand on Shizuru's and flipped her around to face her. She then pushed Shizuru up against the door and pressed their lips together. Natsuki put her hands onto Shizuru's waist and pulled her away from the door. She kept moving back more and more never breaking their kiss. Then Natsuki turned them around, and continued to push Shizuru back until they hit up against the bed and tumbled onto the bed. Finally Natsuki broke their kiss so that they can catch their breaths.

"Natsuki . . . I . . .don't understand." Natsuki gazed straight into Shizuru's beautiful red eyes.

"Shizuru . . . I really do love you. And I don't want you to walk out on me again. I told you that day how in love with you I was and I want to prove it to you. I know it's probably going to be a long time to get back to where we once were . . . but I want to try, I want to fix this . . . I want to fix us together Shizuru. A life with you means everything to me because you mean so much to me you mean the world to me . . . you are my world Shizuru, and I won't give up ever.

"Natsuki . . . I don't know what to say . . ." Shizuru trailed off as tear escaped her eyes. Natsuki moved her hand to Shizuru face and wiped her tears away.

"Shizuru don't cry it's all right now. Everything's going to be fine you'll see. I promise you that, so don't cry." Shizuru shook her head.

"I'm not crying because I'm sad . . .I'm crying because I'm happy." Natsuki leaned in and kissed Shizuru, more passionately then before. A few hours passed and Mai had returned home. She came into the room to see Shizuru and Natsuki sitting on the bed talking and laughing. She smiled and walked up to the pair.

"So I'm guessing you two made up? Please say everything's all right between you guys now." Natsuki and Shizuru looked at each other and then turned and looked at Mai.

"Yeah Mai, we sure did. Thank you." Natsuki said to her red head friend. With that Mai smiled and felt that she deserved a pat on the back. Natsuki took Shizuru's hand in hers and lead her from the bed to the door.

"Hey what were are you guys going?" Mai said out of curiosity. They where still smiling and then Shizuru spoke up said to Mai

"Where going home." Natsuki then waved to Mai and opened up the door and the two both walked out. Mai was so excited that they made up she could hardly contain herself. But then she looked back.

"Why is . . . my bed so messy? . . . wait. Damn you Natsuki Kuga! I just got these sheets!"


End file.
